Something Has to Change

I'm sure you've heard about the murder of Ashling Murphy in broad daylight along a stretch of the canal in Tullamore, named "Fiona's Way" after another missing woman.

The shock from when I first read the article has been replaced by anger and helplessness.

There is something wrong with society if this is repeatedly happening.

I saw the statistic that 242 women have been killed in Ireland since 1996?! 242 PEOPLE, lives, souls, smiles.

Why does it keep happening?

Back in May 2021, I got a bit passionate on my story about the objectification of women when out in public. I was doing a lot of running at the time and I was sick of getting beeps and waves from creepy old men.

I told some of them to "F*ck off" and I never say that to anyone.

The surprise in these men and the resultant anger towards me is what we need to fix. 

Our feelings are often dismissed as "emotional" or "crazy" when we inevitably accuse somebody of harassment. We need everybody to understand that everyone's perspective can be different but to respect people's (especially women's) lived experience. We need to change the power dynamic brought about by male privilege.

If you are a male and confused about how to act, here are some things to consider:

- Respect on approach. A woman does not owe you her time, or even a response. The best way to gauge if a woman would like to speak to you is to approach in a respectful manner, which acknowledges that she is a human and not an object.

- Call out cat-calling/beeping. If you are amongst males that are trying to "compliment" a woman in this way, you need to put your ego aside and discuss how this might actually make the woman feel. It might not feel good for you but the woman will be feeling a hell of a lot worse.

- Be aware that you are a threat. I know "not all men" but there are enough men attacking women, for us to reasonably assume that there is a possibility of being attacked by any man. Acknowledge this fear, and do what you can to make a woman feel at ease, if you find yourself in a situation where you could pose a threat. Pass by a woman instead of walking behind her. Cross the street. Make some noise to make sure she knows you know she knows you're there. (I hope that sentence makes sense!)

- Talk to your male friends, relatives, sons about this. This has to be changed from the bottom up. It might be too late to save Ashling or her family from having to deal with such a tragic loss, but we cannot let it happen again.

Ar dheis Dé go raibh a hanam.