Why do they think like that? 👀

Yesterday's email got a great response, so I am going to write a little more away from nutrition today.

I genuinely believe a lot of the conflict in the world could be eradicated if we just slowed down and considered things from another person’s perspective.

If you think about it - everybody is out there trying to live a content and stress-free life.

Nobody wakes up and thinks “I’m going to stop my car in the yellow box today, so that I can really slow down other people”. They’re probably trying to get to work as fast as you are.

But when people are doing their best, there can be mistakes, or their best might not be in line with your expectations.

You can have people who have completely different belief systems to you.

You might feel like some people are “stupid” or just plain wrong, but have you ever stopped and asked yourself why they think or behave like that?

I’ve just finished Behave by Robert Sapolsky. It shows how human behaviour is influenced by a myriad of different factors, which are different for everyone.

Environment is a huge factor on our belief systems, and we see this show up in politics at a higher level, and even at a lower level in day-to-day life.

If I was brought up to have good manners, I might be offended that somebody does not have good manners.

But they are not setting out to offend you. Being offended is a choice.

That’s right . How you feel as a result of other people’s behaviours, is actually your fault.

But this is a good thing. It means that you can actively choose not to allow other people’s actions and words to affect you negatively.

If you are able to remain calm, when faced with behaviours or conversations that might previously have had you worked up, you can have rational conversations.

Instead of being annoyed that your friend is always late, you could acknowledge that punctuality is not something she sees as important. If you explain to her in a calm way that you value your time and would really appreciate it if she made an effort to meet at the agreed time, she would probably be surprised it was an issue at all and would be happy to alter her behaviour slightly.

Of course, there will be people who will go out of their way to try to annoy you. (Big shout out to all my trolls!) But even then, you are still in control of how you react.

Again, stop and ask yourself why do they think like that?

Am I doing something wrong?

Are they able to see things from my perspective?

What is their perspective on this situation?

Are these people lashing out as a result of a situation in their own life that I know nothing about?

Can I react from a rational place, and not a place of emotion?

Humans are very egotistical, which means we will try to protect our labels and beliefs as much as possible.

If we were able to slow down and consider that that is what all the other humans are doing too, we might be able to live in a world with a little less conflict.

I would also highly recommend reading The Chimp Paradox to learn how to control your emotions.

Thanks for reading,

Siobhan “question everything” O’Hagan